By Jack Rico
Most film critics around this time of year set out to accomplish the tough task of narrowing down their Top 10 Films of the year. Even though I will be doing the same before the end of year, I thought it’d be more fun to just scorn and cast aspersions on the The Top 10 Worst Films of 2010. Why? Why not.
So many moviegoers waste their hard earned money on such deplorable films that a forum to vent is in order. So here is my top 10 worst based on movies that have enraged me to the point of kicking my goldfish out of its bowl (just kidding PETA) and pulling the beard of my face. That part hurt.
Go ahead and feel free to chime in. Tell us what heinous films we left out of our top 10 in the comments section below and add your thoughts.
Here is our The Top 10 Worst Films of 2010:
‘Splice,’ is in this critic’s opinion, one of the worst, if not arguably the worst movie of 2010. The story sounds compelling and gripping, piquing ones interest of the outcome. Regrettably, when you finish experiencing this disjointed effort, the results are baffling and incomprehensible. There are numerous leaps of logic – instances when the protagonists act in a fashion that only characters in a comedy would. It’s as if the screenwriters wanted to hammer home how idiotic these scientists really are. Ultimately, our heroes actions in the second act are aberrations of consistent implausibilities. Not once was I scared (unlike The Strangers or The House of The Devil recently). I kept placing my hands on my face, but in disbelief for the inanity unfolding before my very eyes.
If I can highlight one component that kills this movie over and over again is the tired and shameful setups that lead to repeated and unrelenting risible clichés. To be frank, the barrage is interminable. Cinematically, Burlesque is a mess, whether that is intentional or not is a future conversation. The acting was subpar to abysmal, the dialogue was criminal and the script was 75% old, stale tricks that have been worn out for decades. Burlesque will win many Razzie nominations, but as bad as it is, somehow history will tell how ‘bad’ made cult status.
8. Gulliver’s Travels
This one crippled me, literally. I have a torn ACL that got worse after I saw this movie. Part of why this film is so bad is because the adaptation is ridiculous. The script gaffes, the absence of verisimilitude, logic, rationale, and most of all dialogue, are all unacceptable. None of the members of this cast has the chops to overcome such vile dialogue. It truly is a kids film, not a family film. Adults would walk out… without their children. The age range for a kid to enjoy this film? 2 years old. The 3D experience is pure thievery. $17 a ticket for 4 people, plus parking and concession treats are not justifiable for a film of this caliber.
7. Dinner for Schmucks
Just like the regressing of Jack Black’s career, so too is the career of Steve Carrell. Some of his choices exemplify the deterioration of his decision making – ‘Dan in Real Life’ and ‘Evan Almighty’. But in Dinner for Schmucks, Carrell and Paul Rudd hit all time lows. The humor is not clever, it is ridiculous and idiotic and the characters are vexing and loathsome. The pacing drags and the predictable resolution, is misery.
6. Grown Ups
In the 1980’s successful comedies seemed like a dime a dozen. Now a days, we have to settle for ‘Grown Ups,’ where the laughs are few, but the apathy is plentiful. One of the issues I had with it was the marketing. The reputation some of the actors have are that of R rated comedians. The mere sight of Chris Rock is worth a hard R from a mile away (“tired of this sh*t, tired, tired, tired of this sh•t,” as his foul mouthed stand up routine goes). Secondly, I had issues with the tame dialogue of the script. The stars, mostly known for their profanities and uncouth behavior in films, seemed out of their element. Such a talented cast, but no creativity in the script.
5. Valentine’s Day
When it comes to romantic comedies, Valentine’s Day has to go up there as one of the worst rom-coms in the history of movies. So many stars, so much talent and the flimsy script just desecrated them. Some will never work again. The big challenge here was to have a writer parcel great material for 15 stars for about two hours. It is extremely difficult to do, but not impossible. The Ocean’s 13 films from Steven Soderbergh did it with success and some critical acclaim, so why couldn’t this one? This one is all on the screenwriters Katherine Fugate, Abby Kohn. The futile attempt to create interesting and dynamic scenarios were struck down with hyper speed resolutions and uninspired acting. This one isn’t even worth the DVD time.
4. The Last Song
Of his six titles sent to the big screen, ‘The Last Song’ is Nicholas Sparks worst film. Most of the drawbacks hinge on Miley Cyrus’ acting. She is officially on my list for a 2011 Razzie for worst actress. But perhaps the biggest problem with the film is the calculated, manipulative script that delivers phony, inorganic moments that don’t seem plausible enough for any teenager or adult to believe. It has some feel good moments, but not enough to deserve praise. This is definitely not a date movie adults will enjoy, but rather a transitional primer young fans of Cyrus will be expecting from her in the near future. She isn’t ready to act in these roles that demand so much of her limited emotional range. As a result, the scenes where she has to push and drive the emotional guts of the film fall flat. Bottomline, you can find this schmaltz for free on Lifetime or Oprah.
3. When in Rome
‘When in Rome’ is a complete disaster and echoes everything that is wrong with movies today. A romantic comedy with a recycled and absurd premise, vacuous humor, and a script as predictable as the weather in LA. These are the types of movies that you should never pay to see for many reasons including a lack of soul, depth or real substance to any of these characters. Everything seems to be a fantasy passed off as reality and the producers must think we are the fools that will buy it. Perhaps a DVD pick? Not even. This IS one of the worst movies of the year.
2. The Tooth Fairy
‘The Tooth Fairy’ was just bad cinema. The Rock is a simpatico guy, but with a ludicrous plotline, uninspired dialogue, the worse camera editing I’ve seen in years and a paltry supporting cast, there was no way he was saving this sinking ship. He wears a ballerina dress when first becoming a fairy and instead of it being a funny moment, it was embarrassing. Director Michael Lembeck, mostly a TV director, shouldn’t be doing movies. His camera shot selections were not flattering to the actors and showed the many audio dubbing flaws caught by the lens. Just intolerable. Adding to the demise of the movie was seeing a New York legend Billy Crystal in a pajama like costume regurgitating screenwriter Lowell Ganz’s stale and infantile dialogue.
1. Vampires Suck
And the worst film of 2010 is hands down ‘Vampires Suck’. ‘Horror-ble’ and painful comes to mind when I think of having watched this. Absolutely nothing can be praised from this film. I like a good spoof movie here and there (The Naked Gun, Hot Shots, Scary Movie) but the level of creativity to get this film off the ground is elementary, nothing seems to be out of the box thinking and 10 year old girls must have been consulted as ghost writers. For the sake of your mental sanity, stay away from this film full of dreadful inept jokes, paltry pop culture references and repugnant dialogue. This is one ‘vampire’ I’d like to stab in the heart over and over and over and over and over……