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Vampires Suck

08.18.2010 | By |

Vampires Suck

Vampires Suck’ directed by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer plain ol’ sucks. Now don’t get me wrong, I like spoof movies, but ones that are full of hilarity such as The Naked Gun, Hot Shots and the Scary Movie series to name a few. The level of creativity to get this film off the ground is elementary, nothing seems to be out of the box thinking and 10 year old girls must have been consulted.

The premise, as you can tell by the trailers and posters, is a spoof on the Twilight films where teenager Becca (Jenn Proske) finds herself torn between two boys, a vampire (Matt Lanter) and a wolf (Chris Riggi). As she and her friends wrestle with a number of different dramas, everything comes to a head at their prom.

‘Horror-ble’ and painful comes to mind when I think of having watched this, though I must admit that actress Jenn Proske mimics Kristen Stewart’s delivery and speech patterns to a tee. Not much else can be praised from this film as a chuckle might as well be interpreted as a ‘pity chuckle’ for the sake of all the honest hard working technicians that put the production together.

I’m not going to get into revealing scenes of what I think is awful and boorish, but for the sake of your pocket and mental sanity, stay away from this film full of dreadful, inept jokes, paltry pop culture references and awful dialogue. ‘Vampire Sucks’ is on my top 10 lists of one of the worst movies of the year.

Rated: PG-13 for crude sexual content, comic violence, language and teen partying.
Release Date: 2010-08-18
Screenplay: Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer
Official Website:

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