Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant (Movie Review)

Updated 2026

The minute a genre becomes popular, Hollywood does its very best to milk it. Studios want to squeeze every last dime out of our pockets. They will continue to do it as long as there is an audience for it.

Let’s take Saw as an example. The franchise is already releasing its sixth installment, with numbers seven and eight on the way. Let us remember that the first film hit theaters in 2004.

What seems to be all the rage these days are vampires. They are everywhere in movies, TV shows, books, and at every Halloween party in America. Hollywood could care less why we love them, as long as we keep opening up our wallets.

For those who haven’t yet had their fill, this week brings Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant. You should see it at your own risk. The film is based on the popular book series by Darren Shan, but it will do little to excite the average viewer.

Here is the gist. A 16-year-old unknowingly breaks a 200-year-old truce between two warring factions of vampires. He is pulled into a life of misunderstood sideshow freaks and puts his relationship with his best friend at risk to fulfill his destiny.

Think of Cirque du Freak as the vampire version of Harry Potter. Unfortunately, the magic just is not there. A supporting cast that includes Mexican actress Salma Hayek as the bearded woman does not manage to spice things up.

I will say that John C. Reilly shows his acting range here. He plays Crepsely, the vampire who mentors young Darren and shows him how to develop his abilities. This is a role we rarely see from the star of Step Brothers and Walk Hard.

Unless you are already a diehard fan of the books, I advise you to stay away from the film. The characters are dull and uninviting. You will leave the theater without a care in the world and a few dollars poorer.

One final note. Is actor Chris Massoglia not the spitting image of a young Ralph Macchio in The Karate Kid?

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